A Hug from a Dog

My "constant companion", i.e. Lily, loves to give me hugs.
This is something she and I do. I know it is not something she should be doing with other people, but this is "our" moment. I'm sitting at the computer in my swivel chair. She is lying on the floor destroying whatever chew toy she has at the moment, when she stops, comes to my chair, and lays her head on the arm of the chair. This is my signal to stop what I am doing, and swivel to face her, where she then puts her front feet up on my shoulders, and lays down in my lap, back feet still on the floor. She then lays her head down on my chest and I give her a kiss on her long nose, and rub her soft face while she "nibbles" on my robe or clothes, no licking just nibbles. It is a gentle nibble, that symbolized that she loves me, and if she could, would climb right up in my lap; alas she is too big. After we have done this for a few minutes, she gets down and returns to the toy, or falls asleep. She just needed a hug, and knew I needed one too. When we do this, we are both in absolute bliss. She is being "held" by me, just like when she was little enough to hold, and I am having "doggy love" lavished on me in immeasurable proportions.
How many people are actually lucky enough to get hugs from their dogs?
There is something about being shown affection from one of God's creatures, and not a human being. I like to believe that God himself might be giving me a hug. We had a preacher one time who used to refer to the acts of Christians being something like "a little bit of Jesus wrapped up in the flesh". I feel like Lily's hugs are a little bit of God wrapped up in a dog. I find myself alone a lot these days, save my dog, but I am not lacking in affection being shown to me. She is being affectionate at every turn, something that I love receiving.
This might seem a stretch, but God is everywhere, and I know from personal experience, meets our needs in some pretty amazing ways. So at this point in my life, why couldn't He be showing His love for me in the affections of a dog, a shepherding dog, who seems to understand when I need a hug, and some special attention. I will take God's love anyway I can get it.

My head feels fuzzy.......

I hate being sick at Christmas. I told Rog it was a good thing I didn't feel like this on Wed. or he would have had a sandwich for Christmas dinner instead of the feast we did have, even though I overdid the sweet potato casserole. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. Roger actually slept in one of the extra bedrooms last night because he didn't want me breathing on him, coughing on him, and just generally being around him. I don't know where I got this, but whoever gave it to me.......yeah, you can have it back. YUCK!

Is Love Enough?

I have finished a book this last week that has impacted me. The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller is a revealing book not just of the story of the prodigal son, but also of the older brother. Each brother in his own way was rebelling against their father.
I have always found people who are in outright rebellion to God much easier to speak to about God. Those who believe they are following all the rules and doing it correctly are very difficult to talk to about God; they think they have all the answers, the formulas. Those in open rebellion know they are failing, and falling, they just haven’t “come to their senses” yet.
I found as I read this book it striped away religious belief, and cultural pressures, to reveal the utter simplicity of the gospel. One son openly rebelled against the times and what was expected of him and walked away, the other stayed, followed his perception of what was expected of him, all the while for his own reasons. The statement that struck me was this:

“Underneath the brother’s sharply different patterns of behavior is the same motivation and aim. Both are using the father in different ways to get the things on which their hearts are really fixed. It was the wealth, not the love of the father, that they believed would make them happy and fulfilled.
At the end of the story, the elder brother has an opportunity to truly delight the father by going into the feast. But his resentful refusal shows that the father’s happiness had never been his goal. When the father reinstates the younger son, to the diminishment of the older son’s share in the estate, the older brother’s heart is laid bare. He does everything he can to hurt and resist his father.”

I love the teachings of Jesus. They are so simple that I know I miss so much so often. This book reminded me of the simplicity of the gospel. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might……………..Love the Lord your God.

Love God.
Love God, not for what He gives you or does for you
Love God.
Love God, not because you’re told to
Love God.
Love God, not out of fear
Love God.
Love God, not out of obligation
Love God.
Love God, with abandonment of all things
Love God.
Love God, above all others
Love God.

Is loving God my ultimate goal without agenda or motive? Serenity wrote last week about loving irresponsibly and it made me think of this passage from the book. Keller shares that “the word “prodigal” does not mean “wayward”, but according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, “recklessly spendthrift.” It means to spend until you have nothing left. This term is therefore as appropriate for describing the father in the story as his younger son. The father’s welcome to the repentant son was literally reckless, because he refused to “reckon” or count his sin against him or demand repayment. This response offended the elder son and most likely the local community.”
He goes on to relate that through Jesus, God did that, spent recklessly, to redeem us.

At this point I think of the great hymn:

Such love!
Such wonderous love!
Such love!
Such wonderous love!
That God should love a sinner such as I! How wonderful is love like this!

Christmas is coming, the celebration of the greatest expenditure of a spendthrift God who paid it all that I might know how much He loves me. Merry, Merry Christmas! God Loves You!

A Boy and His Dog

Nic and Lady

There are certain things about certain memories that stick out in your mind. When I have memories of Nicolas as a little boy, or even older they always include a dog. We have always had a dog around as long as our kids have been around. First a Golden Retriever when Audrey was just a toddler, someone stole him. Then a stray Pit Bull we got rid of when the kids were really small and a Collie, that got hit by a car. When Tess the Collie got hit by the car, and our kids were devastated by the loss, we decided that as long as we continued to live on the highway, there would be no more dogs—we couldn’t stand the heartache.
When we moved into our new house, Nic was 10 and Audrey 11, we hadn’t been there a month, when we got a puppy. She grew, and grew and grew, and we never knew for sure just exactly what kind of dog she was, but she was gentle, even tempered, and BIG. We joked that we always knew Nic needed a large animal to play with and it was either a gorilla or a REALLY BIG dog; we opted for the dog. Lady lived for 13 years, and I always told her she had to stick it out till Nic left home because I wasn't sure what I would do with Nic if anything ever happened to her. She went everywhere with him, down into the woods, to the ponds to fish, she was just ALWAYS around. Her health finally got so bad, that one week after Nic graduated from college, and had moved out we had her put down.
Nothing has changed; Nic still loves to play with “the dog”. While he has been home helping Roger pour concrete on the job, he has been getting acquainted with Lily again (he was here when we got her).
Lily loved Nic, he actually took her out in the yard and ran with her, chased her, and threw things for her to chase. (We do these things too, but not with the vim and vigor of a 25 yr old) I captured one picture through the kitchen window (yes, I need to wash the window) which ignited that memory I was thinking of. Nic hugging the dog after a good run, he did that when he was little with our big dog Lady too, only she was the bigger one of the pair then.
Poor Lily didn’t quite know what to think when this really fun person would bend down and scoop her up, but she loved the game, and the guy playing it

It was sooooooo fun to see the grins on their faces when Nic was home. I just had to capture it, and share it. It made Roger and I smile, and laugh, hope it does the same for you.

OH! Happy Day!

I love “Happy Days”. No not the T.V. show, but the actual happy days, when your socks get blessed off by all of Gods goodness in one instant.

My happy day is today when I opened my e-mail and found more pictures of my new great-nephew Holton. The following picture was my happy day moment. That is my sister Anita holding her first grandchild.

My sister Anita, 9 years older than me, who used to cry when I received a spanking, and who made a special trip to K-State when I attended college there to talk me out of quitting school, who was the matron of honor at my wedding, who has loved my children unconditionally, and talked me through more than one parenting crisis. Who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and walked to deaths door and back undergoing treatments, and who waited 10 years to become a grandma; IS ONE!

I cried when she called and told me she was going to be a Grandma, because during those days of battling cancer, of baldness, and weakness, and nausea, and a literal inability sometimes to get out of bed, she shared with me her knowledge that no matter what happened, she knew “everything will be alright.” She meant that no matter, live or die, her assurance was that God MUST know what He is doing, and she put her life in his hands trusting Him fully with the possibility of getting to experience that moment pictured above.

I watched her during that time; we talked, sometimes every day. I went down often to see her; not as often as I wanted, but as I could. I knew she was growing spiritually every day. She kept a diary of all the marvelous, and some out right miraculous things that God did for them during that time, but I know as she sat and looked at Holton this last Tuesday, she knew that this child in her arms surpassed all those marvelous things that we laughed and rejoiced over during the cancer.

So this was my HAPPY DAY when I opened the e-mail (thank you Casie), and saw my sister holding what I know she would say is, next to knowing Jesus, the most marvelous and downright miraculous thing God has ever done for her.

Here HE is!!

Holton Henry Katzer, born Nov. 15th weighing in at 4lbs, 9oz. 17 in. long to proud parents David and Casie. My new Great-nephew (yes, I am a GREAT aunt just ask his mother, uncle Clinton, and all the other nieces and nephews). He is doing well, and we are all so thankful that he is here, albeit a month early.

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister Anita called me last week and asked me if I wanted to take a weekend trip with her to Colorado to deliver a pick-up load of treasures to her son Clinton and Amy, his wife. I said yes and away we went. Talk about a pick-me-up! It did the trick. It was a great weekend in the mountains, clear, warm and sunny. I am so glad I went, and got to see part of my family in their “environs”. I had the honor of only being the second relative to visit who wasn’t immediate family, so I felt honored. These two were featured in a previous blog about my favorite people………still are.....always will be.

comical

When I saw this I had to chuckle because that is exactly the way it was and is. But the media isn't biased............

Announcing!!!! A New Blog

I am introducing a new blog, and I must give credit where it is due. Felicity White (see Rare Rocks in favorite blogs column), requested some of the recipes I alluded to in my last post. I have been contemplating starting a blog about Nesting (homemaking, "laying by", storing up, etc., and Resting (the times since Rog and I are officially empty nesters, and what that is like).
In the process, I realized that my three older sisters are also quite well versed on "Nestin' and Restin'" and I have invited them to share thier rememberances, stories, and recipes there as well. There will be pictures posted of the Horack Girls, during these years of "growing up Horack". I'm excited about this,and know that my sisters all have MUCH to offer in this rhelm. I hope all of you who read the Cerretti Blog will check out the "Nestin' and Restin'" blog over in my side bar.
Happy Days!

Thoughts on nesting........

It is the time of year that I start preparing for winter, or as I like to refer to it, nesting.
I’ve cleaned out my flower pots, and moved the lawn furniture and planters in to protect them from the winter snow and ice. I’ve had the car maintenanced, the antifreeze checked, and the tires rotated.

I have been stocking up the pantry with specials on chicken and beef broth for those winter soups and stews, and making pots of ham and beans, and chili, cheese soup, and minestrone to go into the freezer. I’ve been watching my freezer and pantry fill up with applesauce, and apple butter. In the old days they called it “laying by”, stocking up, etc. I call it nesting because I am quite literally feathering the ‘ol nest for winter.

I’ve come across several blogs on the internet that encourages this and after reading their instructions, I realize that by being raised by a mother who grew up in the depression, I have done these things all my life; they are second nature to me I just thought everyone knew it, and did it too. NEWS FLASH! They don’t.

It is such a nice feeling to be able to tell Rog when he is scavenging for “something baked or sweet” that there is a container of homemade cookies in the freezer (actually there are several, but I only tell him about the one or they would all disappear in rapid succession :). If I come down with a cold or (God forbid) the flu, we have soup that needs simply to be thawed, and frozen muffins in the freezer.

My sisters and I used to joke that we could have survived out of my Mothers’ cupboards and freezers for months without going to the store, and I find myself doing the same thing. Anymore I hate going to the store, prices are enough of a deterrent if nothing else. As the days are getting short, and the wind is chilly, and the trees and flowers are hiding for the winter, I’m preparing to do as close to the same thing as I can.

An Excerpt........

When the sun rises I work:
When the sun sets I rest.
I dig the well to drink;
I plow the field to eat.
What has the Emperor to do with me?
(A Chinese Country Folk Song)

I’ve read several books by Pearl S. Buck. (I actually found a small set of them on our trip up north in an antique store). For those who are not familiar with her writings, she wrote "The Good Earth". She was the daughter of American missionaries to China. She spent her childhood years there, growing up among the Chinese people and learning to love them for who they were. This is an excerpt from her book “My Several Worlds”. This is not the first of her observations of the Chinese people to ring strikingly familiar chords to what we are hearing in our own country at this time. Mind you this was written in 1951 about life in China during the early 1930’s………

As a matter of fact, the Chinese had always governed themselves. They distrusted governments and even held them in contempt. They were cynical to the last degree about official honesty and their ancient adage is that the best government is the one that governs least. And the Chinese people were quite capable of self-government. Their traditional family system was a sound basis for a new kind of modern democracy. In China, before Communism began its destructive work on the family system, there was no need for the expense of institutionalism which lies so heavily upon our own democracy. There were no orphanages, for the family as a whole remained responsible for the care of the child who had lost his immediate parents. There were no insane asylums, for the family cared for its insane. As a matter of fact, there were very few insane, for the family system provided individual security without disgrace, and thus removed one of the main causes of modern insanity, the lost individual. There needed to be no relief rolls, for again the family as a whole cared for its members who were jobless. Only in time of widespread famine and catastrophe did there have to be outside help. Business was stable in a large middle class, for the generations carried it on in the same family. The family was morally responsible for each of its members, and the disgrace of any member was a family disgrace.
Could Sun Tat-sen and his followers, and this includes the later Nationalist Government under Chaing Kai-shek, have understood the value of this family system and have built upon it, there is no doubt that Communism would not be ruling in China today. One proof of this is that the Communists have made their main attack upon the family system.

Isn’t it amazing that God set up the family the way he intended it to be, and as man has tried to alter, and even destroy it, he, in the process, has destroyed and inflicted injury on the very society he lives in?

Friends of Difference

I have a dear friend who is an Obama supporter. She has read his books, and has made it perfectly clear that she will vote for him on November 4th. Our political leanings are similar in some areas, and worlds apart in others. Our reasons for voting the way we will are our own.
I want to say though, that it is because of her and her reading and knowledge of the political playing field that I have been compelled over the last several months to research the reasons for voting the way I will. She has always been good for me when it comes to pushing me to find out for myself what I think, how I interpret information, and how it will affect my choices. She is intelligent and what I consider to be a well read, voracious reader, thus I feel she has only my best interests at heart, when she spurs me on in this fashion.
But I must give her credit when I say she has not pressured me to vote for her choice. In fact, with this election year becoming so heated, and downright ugly, we have agreed NOT to discuss politics, and place our years of friendship and love for one another above it.
Ours is a story that has put us on the same side in educational warfare for the sake of our children and on opposite sides when it has come to decisions of life choices, and politics, but we have found like David and Jonathan (don’t ask me who is who), that our friendship runs unbelievably deep through all of these things.
The scripture in Proverbs 27:17 comes to mind when I sit and regard the relationship we have.
As iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
I have several friends that I have sound differences with. The fact that we can sit and discuss these differences and continue to love each other and be there for one another is what I cherish most about these relationships. Our priorities are straight. We have placed our relationships above philosophy, politics, and distance realizing that variety is the spice of life, rulers come and go, and telephones, and email are a gift. We realize we were all created differently for a reason, trusting God to reveal it to us as we go through life. Heartache and challenges only seem to bond us closer together, for age, as it comes, seems to remove the layers of trivial issues exposing the valuable instead.
Maybe it is because we are women, maybe it is because of our differing backgrounds that we have found and latched on to each other, hanging on more tightly as time has come and gone. Whatever it is, it is a precious gift, and like most precious gifts is not tangible, nor should it ever be taken for granted. I will always be thankful for my friends “of difference”.

I Don't Have It All............

I have more.

By not 'having it all,' I've settled for something infinitely more precious than paychecks. I've become the guardian of new life, a builder of memories, a source of inspiration, and a central figure in my family's history. What I have contributed to their lives is invaluable and irreplaceable. -- Debra Evans in Heart & Home

For Myself as much as anyone.............

Our opinions, like our salvation, must be worked out with fear and trembling.
- Peter van Inwagen

Wordless Days

O.K. here is another one I blundered across. Wordless Days. No words, just pictures and some of them are simply outstanding. I enjoy a good picture book as much as I do a good novel (isn't that where photo albums originated?) Give it a peek, I think you will find some of her pictures lovely, and the blog is most aptly titled.

Fall Days

Fall is here, and with all the mowing I've been doing I am very aware of the changes in nature. We don't get the wonderful color of the mapels in this part of the world, but we do have some of our own color. (Can you believe I didn't eat one of these beauties)
The Neighbors apple tree.....

Heavy with apples.......


Some color in our back yard




The taaalll bluestem

Vote Smart

O.K. you know how I am always telling you to "do your homework" on who you are going to vote for? (Sorry, years of being a homeschooling mom) Here is the link to the website with the candidates voting records. Just click on the title of this blog, Vote Smart, and it will take you there. You can pull up the issue you are most interested in how they voted.
You will receive a grade, but there will be no test:)

A Joke

Thank you Queen Latifah!

A finicky diner asks her waiter, "How do you prepare your chicken?"
The waiter says, "Nothing special, miss. We just tell them straight they're going to die."

I'm sorry, but THAT is funny :)

You can't legislate morality....or something like that

There is a big discussion going on in the city of Emporia right now about banning smoking in public places. Everyone has thier side, and opinion, but I did find one friend of ours, a woman who grew up in Romanina during the overthrow of Ceauşescu, interesting. She knows what it is to live in a Communist country and be controlled by the govt. She has a daughter that her father has only seen one time, be cause she hasn't been back to Romania since the baby was born 4 years ago, and her father isn't permitted to come to the United States because he still works, her mother is considered retired thus can come and visit.
Our friend stated the other night at a dinner she was attending that she didn't feel they should ban smoking in public places. Now at a dinner table of Conservative Christions when she said it you could have heard a pin drop. Needless to say, she was encouraged to explain her statement. She continued, "That's how it happens. First they take your right to smoke in public places, then they take your guns." You really couldn't argue with her logic, she had seen it happen first hand. She has a valid point, but lets take that to the abortion issue (ooo Hot topic!) First they take your rights of what you do to your own body, and then they take your guns. Isn't that what the abortion advocates would say?
I always like to travel back in time, so lets take a little trip. What if they controlled your choice to get pregnant in the first place (like China), that would do away with the NEED for abortion. Just like if they banned cigaretts all together no one would smoke, then the issue of smoking in public places would be mute wouldn't it? How far can we take this?
We as Christians tell people that God is a gentleman, and will not force you to love him. It is a choice. Maybe you don't think you can compare God's love to wanting a cigarette, or having an abortion but believe me with the thinking out there now a days, there are people that do.
You know what they say. You can't legislate morality......or something like that.

A New Chapter

When Roger and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary 14 years ago, the weather was unseasonably warm for January and we went for a walk that evening. As we walked we recalled milestones that had taken place in those first 18 years of marriage. We talked about what would happen in the next 18 years of our lives. We realized that as we lived those years, all of our parents would be gone, our kids would very likely be married, and maybe,(if we are blessed) we would have a grandchild or two. In all that speculation, the reality of what that meant seemed natural and part of the normal progression of life. Never do you realize, even looking at the future, just exactly how it will “feel” when chapters of your life end, and new ones begin.

Audrey and Ryan are moving to AZ.
Yep, we will have two kids in AZ now. Goodyear is actually a suburb of Phoenix, so Nic will only be about an hour away from them. Ryan has taken a position with a hospital in Goodyear, nursing in the ER; night shift. Audrey has yet to start looking for jobs-she has been a little busy getting Ryan on the road, and making arrangements to move, and giving notice at work.

Ryan left last Fri. with his Dad along to help with the driving, and Audrey and I leave this coming Fri., with the dogs. I will spend 4 days, hopefully helping them get unpacked and settled, then board a plane and leave all three of my kids in the Great Southwest.

Everyone is telling me that this is going to be hard. (like I don’t know this), and that I will REALLY have empty nest syndrome now and may have to even get another dog. Har! Har!

Yes, I will miss them terribly; I will miss Audrey popping in to see us on her way home from work. I will miss them in church every Sunday that they could be there, and I will miss KNOWING they are in the same town, but there will be huge differences in them taking out and leaving here, and Nic doing so three years ago.

First-Ryan has a job, Nic didn’t
Second-They have a place to live-Nic didn’t-he had a friend who said he could stay with him for two weeks till he found a job and a place to live.
Third-They have each other, and they have (family) Nic down there already.

Yes, knowing my kids are far away (two long days drive, or two hours by plane), is hard to think about, but I am assured of the fact that they have good heads on their shoulders, and know right from wrong, and are going to be “together” in a sense. The phrase “there is strength in numbers” comes to mind right about now, and it is bringing me comfort.

Audrey flew down for three days to sign the lease, and get Ryan and the things he took with him into the apt. She told me they found a Costco, a Fry’s grocery store, that there are three Farmers Markets in the Phoenix area year round………she is already moving in her head, and preparing to make a life somewhere else. As hard as the reality of them leaving is, it is wonderful to hear them talk that way; about exploring their new environment and learning about this new life and adventure together, and all within the proximity of family.

When Nic left I had a terrible time-there I admitted it, but I was busy with Mother, and Audrey was still here, and life went on. But I realized when Roger and I talked about it, it really wasn’t about Nic leaving, I knew he would land on his feet, and not only survive, but thrive. It was about a chapter in our family’s life closing; things would never be the same again. I knew how far away he was going to be, the idea of how little we would see him was overwhelming to me, but God in His infinite mercy, has allowed us to see Nic more in the past few years since he has moved than I would have ever dreamed possible. So, it is a LITTLE easier to see Audrey and Ryan go; a little. I know that ANOTHER chapter is closing. I have had others of those “chapters” close in the past year, and each one has brought with it some pain, but also pleasure. By watching my kids, I’m seeing that the new chapters can actually be pretty exciting, and something to look forward to.

The book of the Cerretti Family is still being written, God is the author, and has the pen poised to add some exciting and new entries. I’m looking forward to reading it and finding out how it turns out.

Changes ahead

I received an e-mail from my sister Anita a few weeks ago about how the demographics of our world are changing. It was rather lengthy, but interesting to read. Once again, it was written by a guy with a resume that is lengthy and impressive (lots of initials after his name). The bottom line of the entire email is that if the Judeo-Christian populace doesn’t survive, and thrive, the world as we know it will cease to exist.

My grandmother’s world was ceasing to exist right before her very eyes. I remember her talking about living through the transition of going everywhere by horse and buggy, to traveling by car, then by airplane, and finally putting men on the moon—she didn’t live long enough to see the space shuttle. She spoke of the decline of morals, absolutes in our lives that acted as our moral compass.

The gentleman who wrote the article bemoaned the time when the world as we know it will simply cease to exist, other cultures will prevail, other religions will be more practiced and widely spread than Christianity, and the socio-economic structure as we know it will collapse. This will happen mostly because people simply won’t care what happens enough to make the changes to stop it.

Stop it? I have been studying the prophets in the Old Testament, Isaiah to be specific, and the similarities to what is happening in our world today are striking. Israel was carried off into captivity because no one did anything to change the onslaught of changes that were happening right in their midst; changes that didn’t’ fit God’s plan. God had a plan to draw His people back to himself and nothing they were going to do was going to change it. He was crying out through the voice of His prophets for Israel to return to the proper relationship with Him; they didn’t. His ultimate goal was to turn them back to him, to remind them that He is God, had delivered them, fed them clothed them, and mostly loved them. They were to love Him, worship Him and praise Him for that, not just in their daily lives but to others as well. They weren’t doing it.

We have many modern day prophets who have been crying out for years for the people of God to turn back and be the people He intended us to be. James Dobson bemoans the disintegration of the Traditional Family. Jerry Falwell warned that 9/11 was just the beginning of what was in store for us as a nation. Franklin Graham’s speech at the Columbine High School memorial service spoke honestly about the deterioration of our society showing itself in the massacre that took place there. These are a few of the “prophets” who are crying out to us to change our ways and turn back to God. They are just different “ways” than the prophets of old encountered in the Old Testament.

Anita prefaced the entire e-mail by saying that she was glad after reading it, that God is in charge. I am glad too, but I must remember that sometimes God allows things to get worse before He makes them better. I don’t see stopping the tide of change that is coming; “If God wants me with him, there are none who will stop him”, is one of the lines from the movie “Little Women” starring Clare Danes where she plays the role of Beth. As she is lying on her deathbed and Jo, played by Winona Ryder, tells her she doesn’t want her to go, Beth’s response reflects the acknowledgement and realization that God is in control. His will, as Jesus taught us to pray, will be done.
I believe that in the “last days”, there will be a purifying of the saints of God. Those who can stand the heat may still die by that fire; others will stand, and lose much for the sake of their beliefs. This is the warning of the Bible; if you read it, if you believe it. The epistles of the New Testament and many of Jesus’ prophecies warn us to be prepared for difficult and hard days. They warned us then, and are warning us now. Our world will continue to change and it won’t necessarily be for the better. Priorities will have to be set, for the children of God as well as the rest of the world. We will have to be prepared to seek God only, not wealth, position, or even victory. Our victory won’t be till Jesus himself appears. Until then we may suffer. We may not win this particular battle, but like in the book of Isaiah, when the enemy comes, if we are doing what God requires of us, the enemy will fall without a sword stroke from us. God will be our deliverer. Praise His Name!

My Daughter: THE FIREMAN?!?!?!?!

When Audrey was born, I visualized her doing lots of things in her life, but I have to say she has far and away surpassed any expectations I ever had of her with this, her latest accomplishment.
When she was a little girl she would stand on the stool at the kitchen counter helping me make cookies, or fix a meal, and I would listen to her tell me how she wanted to grow up and be a "scientist". I always told both of my children there was nothing they couldn't do, if they just set their minds to it, and they have both proven that point over and over.
Audrey has fulfilled her dream of becoming a "scientist". She works in a laboratory with lab coats, safety goggles, test tubes, the whole she-bang, testing water, diesel fuel, etc; all the things involved with her job. However the one thing she does with her job that I never heard her aspire to when she was a small child was becoming a firefighter.
Yep, my daughter, the same gorgeous girl over in the column of "my favorite people", in that beautiful wedding gown, is part of the Fire Brigade at the Wolf Creek Nuclear Power Plant where she works. She has a big red bag that she keeps in the back of her car that she carries her "gear" in. She can dress out in under 4 min. and she qualified to fight fires inside the confines of the plant; she even knows how to drive, and that means maneuver and park, a full size fire engine; not a ladder truck, but a big fire engine one that actually came from a fire station in New York City, that was located 2 miles from Ground Zero (the company lost two firemen in 9/11).
She gets excited telling us about her training, going into a burning building, and dragging out a 165 lb. dummy, and being able to hold a fire hose by herself for at least 30 seconds.
Can you tell I am impressed? I am! Roger and I are captivated at the idea that this young woman that we raised from a little girl, who when I actually think about it, wasn't really ever afraid to do too many things, is putting herself out there to do this thing of fighting fires if necessary.
She modeled her gear for us yesterday, showed us how it is stowed in her bag, which is why she is able to dress out in under 4 min. She had everything but her hat,face mask, and tanks of air, but we got the idea.
The possibility of her actually every having to fight a fire is remote (thank God), but it is still pretty impressive to think that if the situation arises, she will be qualified, and knowledgeable to do so.
I always knew she was going to grow up to be a remarkable woman, and I am seeing it come true right before my eyes. AMAZING!!!

What do you do with your time now........

People ask me what I do with my time now, this is just a small example of how I spend my time.........I plant flowers......


play with Lily........


plant more flowers........


watch the weather........


plant more flowers.........


watch the sunsets..........


and plant more flowers......



Of course these are not all of what I spend my time on......just some of my favorites.

Grandma's Porch

I haven’t written anything for awhile as outdoor activities have taken me away from the computer. I’ve been busy mowing, planting and just maintaining the garden, yard and flowers. As I have been working outside and planting flowers, and then beginning to see the results of my labors as my flowers bloom I am reminded of one of my favorite childhood memories.

My Grandmother Horack (my Dad's mother) had a small house with a front porch that faced the east. She had a porch swing which was strategically located so that we could use our feet to push off the porch railing and swing really high. We would spend hours out there swinging, drinking Pepsi, and eating Oreo cookies. We would listen to the conversations when her neighbors, Mrs. Martini and Mrs. Lowry would come out in the cool of the evening and sit on her porch with her and visit. I don’t remember what the grownups talked about, but I do remember the Pepsi, Oreo’s, and Grandma’s flowers. Grandma grew beautiful flowers, all kinds all over her yard. Peony’s with blossoms as big as dinner plates that she would cut early, keep in the refrigerator and use to decorate the graves on Memorial Day, (that is a whole other story). She had hollyhocks in the back yard so tall I had to look up to see the top. But the one I remember as really standing out was the beautiful “Pauls Scarlet” climbing rose that grew up the trellis at the south end of her porch. It grew up from the ground to the roof of the porch which meant it shaded the entire porch. In among this curtain of red roses, unnoticed until they bloomed, were the deep dark purple blooms of a Clematis vine; a striking combination. As a very young child, I thought my Grandma was truly wonderful to have such a pretty bush that would bloom two different kinds of flowers.
I don’t have a “porch” per say, we have a deck. I’ve been planting flowers, filling pots with plants of wave petunias, verbenia, pots full of impatience, and begonias that later this summer will spill blossoms over onto my deck and make me feel as if I am sitting in a garden, when in actuality I am sitting on a deck in the middle of a pasture. Our deck is an “outdoor room”. It is covered with a pergola that has wisteria growing over the top. This year it bloomed for the first time, long fragrant lavender blooms that attracted hummingbirds, and bumble bees.
Springtime was, quite literally, right out our back door. Roger loved it, and the smell was better than anything you will ever find in a bottle. I have Clematis too, growing up the trellis in the middle and on each end of the deck, and they are beautiful when they are full of blooms.
Like my Grandma's porch it is a wonderful place to sit, and chat, or in the mornings, a quiet place to take your coffee and go sit and watch the sun come up. We have a table and chairs out there, so if you feel like filling your plate and going out there to eat, that is good too.
It is a gathering place of sorts. I find people gathering there when I have a house full of guests. They take their drinks and migrate to the comfortable seating outside surrounded by the flowers and canopied with the green of the vines. I find the same kind of contentment sitting in my "garden room" as I did swinging on Grandma's porch.
Nothing tells winter goodbye like brightly colored flowers, the smell of new mown grass, and a tall glass of iced tea while you sit on the "porch".

More Favorite People

This is a picture of my nieces and nephews, and my own kids taken on the day of Mothers funeral. These are also some VERY important people in my life, and I am so proud of each and every one of them. They are a fun bunch of kids,(we have Audrey and Ryan's wedding as proof) and great people. The picture wouldn't do them justice in my "Favorite People" column, so I thought I'd highlight them here. They all mean the world to me, I was in Jr.High when they started coming into the world, and I got to play with them, spoil them, and enjoy them..........I love them!

Mothers Day without Mother

Mother, Grandma Amy Wolf (mothers Mother), Myself holding Audrey, 1982

When Mother died, a good friend of mine said, “Mothers Day will be terrible, my first Mother’s Day without my mother snuck up on me and was absolutely terrible, be prepared.” Well, it has come and gone. Yes, I missed my mother. I missed the reason for having a family get together here at my house, and hosting another holiday.

Our house became celebration and holiday central after the folks moved to Emporia. Something I really liked. I got to have everyone at my house, play hostess, celebrate and throw parties, and relish the time together. That is going to be the hardest part of the holidays and celebrations, this coming year at least.

We have been hosting Easter dinner with all the family who lived close enough to attend since before Mother and Paul moved to Emporia. Everyone who could would come for church first, then out to our house for Easter dinner, and then, when the kids were little, an Easter Egg hunt, weather permitting. At Mothers funeral, my eldest niece, RaDawnna talked about roasting lamb for Easter dinner. I joked that if she did, I’d come down to try it (they live in Houston), and the invitation was given and accepted on the spot. This year Roger and I went to Houston, and Nic flew in from Phoenix. We had a great time, and she talked about starting a new tradition of “Easter in Houston”?!?! We’ll see.

Another niece, Casie, upon finding out that Aunt Andrea and Uncle Roger were going to be “alone” this Mothers Day, (Audrey is still working outage, and Nic is, of course, in Phoenix), had invited us to their home, “about an hour and some change” away for Mothers Day Lunch. We were able to go, and it was a wonderful time, and great to have a “different kind of holiday”.

Actually, I face the absence of my Mother every day. It is just when all the family is around, at holiday times and celebrations that the vacant spot is so noticeable. Eventually there will be a holiday that I will have to face without my Mother present. She played a big part at holiday and celebration times because she set a standard of how to do it, and then enjoyed watching we girls take over as she passed the mantle to us.

As I sat at Casie’s table yesterday eating a delicious meal in her beautiful home, and look at the pictures I took of RaDawnna’s festive Easter table, with Easter linens, and decorations, where everyone got a chocolate bunny, I realize that Mother is still with us. The traditions she instilled in we girls, that we have taught our girls are coming out, and showing up in so many details. We now have the joy of watching our girls pick up this mantle and carry on traditions, and start new ones. So in one sense, I haven’t had to celebrate a holiday totally without my mother. She was there in all the wonderful touches in my nieces’ homes and holiday celebrations. She taught us many things about hospitality, hosting parties, celebrating Mothers, and honoring our elders. Isn’t that what Mothers Day is really all about?

Life with Lily

Messes on the floor? Check!
Cutting Teeth? Check!
Rowdy, rambunctious play? Check!
Toys under foot? Check!
Nap times? Check!
Feedings? Check!

No it’s not a toddler, it’s Lily!

Over the last couple of weeks, I am seeing many similarities to the days of small children in the house, and having a small puppy in the house. I just wish I had been blessed with the wisdom and patience when my children were toddlers, which I seem to have more of now with this dog. Perhaps this is Gods gracious way of training me for grandkids.
I don’t find it difficult to stop what I thought needed to be done to sit down on the floor and play with Lily till she is worn out, and needs a nap. I don’t’ find it difficult to take her outside to teach her what needs to be DONE outside. I don’t mind the toys under foot, as they keep her from chewing on the furniture.
I’m not so surprised by the work involved of caring for a puppy, as I am by my reaction to it. She is fun and sweet and makes me laugh. Today she fell off the deck. Just got to going too fast, wasn’t watching what was out in front of her, and walked right off the deck. Fortunately it was only a foot off the ground, and when she recovered she sat there and looked around like she was making sure no one saw. I did. I was in the house, laughing so hard the tears ran and I had to sit down.
I told a friend last week at church that we had just got a puppy, and she acted like I was crazy for doing such a thing “at this time in my life”. I just grinned and told her I was having fun….she has no idea!

Lily Jewel

I was aware when Mother died that I was feeling more than just the loss of my Mother, although that was huge. I was also brought to a place where I was reminded that over the past 3 and a half years while I was caring for my mother my children grew up and out of the house, and in Nic's case out of town. We lost our beloved dog of 13 years, Lady during that time, and the cat even died. When Mother died and life returned to some semblance of normal, I found myself looking around and asking "Where did everybody go?"
I believe they call it "empty nest syndrome", but what ever it is it is a huge black hole. I have always loved caring for my family, and can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have some sort of a pet running around in the midst of all the other hub-bub, and chaos of children and life.
I know things change, and time brings new phases, and experiences, but I am a firm believer that a small fuzzy warm thing that adores you and gives unconditional love, is almost a necessity to get through some days. Thus I introduce, Lily Jewel, Lil for short.
She is, as Roger is already referring to her as my "little buddy". She is 8 weeks old, and spends every min of every day with me. Except at night when she is "banished" to the garage to sleep. (my one concession to Rog, she will sleep in the garage at night like Lady did).
Since she is going to be such an integral part of our lives, I just had to let you know she is here!

New Neighbor

Spring is here, There is a new colt across the road born this morning, and I mowed my yard for the first time today!!! WELCOME SPRING!!!


This is our new neighbor! He was born sometime in the night or very early this morning. His little legs were still quite wobbley when I was watching him, but he had no trouble standing to eat. This is as close as its Mama would let me come, and I still had to zoom in. Isn't he cute!!!????

"Because your are a Christian........."

A friend related a story to me the other day.

She owns a building downtown that she rents out the upstairs to the local AA chapter. They had been renting the upstairs of this particular facility before she and her husband purchased the property, and they simply extended the lease. They did make a few changes, one of them, not allowing smoking anywhere on the premises.

Now when she told me this, I knew immediately that she was going to catch A LOT of flack about it. You see I have an uncle who is a recovering alcoholic, and I know that one addiction can sometimes replace another, or they just become more dependent on a present addiction. If they smoked before, they might and sometimes will smoke even more when they give up the alcohol.

My friend was approached by a member of the group telling her that the smoking ban might be a little harsh for a group of people who are already trying to break free from one addiction, to be forced to give up another.

Let’s just say the conversation didn’t go to well, and when my friend told her the smoking rule stood, the lady from AA finally pulled out the big guns when she said, “Well, I just thought, because you’re a Christian, you would understand and might make an exception?”

What does that mean? I’m not asking “What does THAT mean?” I’m simply asking “What does that mean?”

Because you’re a Christian………….

After I heard this story, the words kept going over and over in my mind.
You know when Jesus came and started telling everyone that he was the fulfillment of prophecy they had a hard time believing that he was who he said he was. Some of his behaviors, and habits just didn’t fit people’s expectations. The people had their assumptions, and ideas of what the Messiah was going to be like, and how he was going to behave. Jesus didn’t fit the bill for many of them. I’m thinking that many Christians today don’t fit the idea of what many people expect either.
I have been reading the gospels, AGAIN, and I was marveling at Jesus’ response to questions, requests, accusations, demands. I don’t think I know anyone who responds like Christ. He never seemed to give an answer that anyone expected, let alone had an argument for. He spoke the truth always. He answered some questions with a question, or a parable. He didn’t hesitate to point fingers when they needed to be pointed, and he always knew just the right thing to say at the right time.
You know the saying “What would Jesus do?” well I wonder what Jesus would have said in response to this woman’s remark, “because you’re a Christian……”.
First, I think, He would have known the intention of her heart-and maybe addressed that.
Second, He would have spoken truth to her, not necessarily what she wanted to hear; but it would have been the truth.
Third, He would have had compassion on her, and given her the opportunity to change her life. (She wouldn’t have needed cigarettes or alcohol when Jesus got through with her)
Forth and most of all, He would have loved her.
Jesus didn’t let others expectations control who he was. He knew the answers, and he gave them; always with the love and compassion or rebuke that person needed. Jesus knew why he was here, what he was doing, and where he was going.
Do you suppose anyone ever approached Jesus with the remark, “Well, because you are the Messiah……….” with their expectations showing? All the time! That is why people brought him the sick, and dying, crippled, and blind, because he was the Messiah, or at least their idea of who the Messiah was going to be; to a point. Until he quit acting all “messiah” like, and started acting like just another prophet; and allowing them to crucify him.
My son’s boss watched The Passion, and told Nic the next day, “I don’t get it!! The guy got his butt kicked!” Pretty much sums up the astonishment of people then and now. The behavior of Christians, just like that of the Christ they follow, will sometimes leave people scratching their heads, and asking themselves, “but I thought because you are a Christian?????"

Instruction Manuels

The weather is changing, and with it a whole new set of instructions on how to cope with this season. I am equipped with some of the hardware, lawn mower, rake, hoe, lawn furniture, etc.etc. I'm just getting anxious to start using some of it. It is rainy and chilly here, cloudy. I believe the word my mother used to use is dreary. Yep, that pretty well sums it up. I told my sister the other day that I am so tired of cold weather and winter that I am actually LOOKING FORWARD to mowing my lawn--can you believe. Someone will remind me of this in the heat of August I am sure, but in the mean time I'll be reading up.

Happy Easter!

We were gone over Easter, but I think this video pretty much expresses how GLAD I am that Jesus came!

Blogging.....what it means........to me

I realized as I read Serenity’s blog spot’s “Love Me, Love My Friends”, that I have been welcomed into a community of people I don’t know at all, and can only glean information about them by reading what they post on their blog, which if they are like me is a fraction of their life.
That is OK I still feel honored to be included on that list, and hope I can live up to the mention of our name there.
Most of my thoughts expressed on my blog are ramblings by comparison to others I’ve read, then I realize that with the MILLIONS of blogs out there, I am a pin prick on the face of the blog world, and thus, just as insignificant as I can feel if I think about that right about now.
I have been a housewife and a stay at home mom for the past 31 years, who for 8 of those years homeschooled our two children. I have worked at various part time jobs outside the home the longest being a cleaning lady for various people. I cared for my mother the last three and one half years of her life while she underwent dialysis treatments. My life has been one of wife, mother, friend, companion, lover, teacher, maid, housekeeper, launderer, nurse, gardener, yard person, chauffer, etc. etc. etc……………the list goes on and on. I am as they say “a jack of all trades-master of none”.
I note that there seems to be a pervasive atmosphere in the world today that you must be “qualified” to do something. This involves a listing of accomplishments, initials after your name, and usually accompanied by a high dollar salary. Thus your opinion is valid, noteworthy, and worth listening to or reading.
I graduated from college with a degree in Interpersonal Communications, and did nothing with it—or didn’t I? I don’t have initials after my name, and I haven’t done anything that would be considered in certain circles as noteworthy, and my salary has been measured in hugs, kisses, “thanks you’s”, complaints, loads of laundry, meals cooked, gray hair, and an aging body. My life, by many, is considered mundane, and for those who count worth in dollars and cents, not worth much.
Am I qualified to give my opinion on politics, religion, sex, society or life in general? Some would say no, but others would give a resounding yes!
So I blog, I put my thoughts, ramblings’, musings, opinions, out there for my sake, because I NEED to write them down. I learned ALONG time ago that my value as a person didn’t come from what people think of me, but of what I think of them. The way I view and think of others says much more about me and who I am, than how I am thought of.
I enjoy this “blogging”, and reading others thoughts. I love that there are people out there like Serenity who can make me laugh out loud, or wipe a tear because I’ve known her all her life, and reading how she has let cancer impact her, encourages me that she is “getting it.” Or reading “I Come Undone”s picture of his hair upon arising in “Love Child”, and grinning from ear to ear, because as Greg Kinner character says to Jack Nicholson’s character in “As Good As It Gets”, “the biggest thing you have going for you is your not afraid to make a fool of yourself.” These are a few of the reasons I am enjoying this “blogging” thing, just reading, watching, and being a part of it all.

Not Perfect, Just Forgiven

I was doing my daily surfing where I check my bank accounts, check my e-mails, read my favorite blogs, and check in on my friends “my space” spots, read the news, check the weather, and of course read my favorite comic strip, (For Better or For Worse, if you are interested) and am ready to start my day.

As I was re-reading a friends blog, she referred to a time in her life when she was involved in Christian Cult. I found this interesting, because I was there right along with her, and I don’t remember thinking of it as a cult, during, or after. I saw it as one man who had completely misunderstood God’s calling on his life, and the misdirection it took in so many other people’s lives as well. I guess you could call that a cult.

But the word “cult” seems so strong-definitely something to be feared, avoided.

I learned a lot during those years. The Bible training was intense I will admit, but I came away with a much deeper knowledge and understanding of Scripture than I had ever had in my life, and I had been “raised” in the church. I learned what God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were NOT. God is not a bully with a ball bat ready to smash us when we screw up, and Jesus is coming again to take us to live with him because he LOVES us, not just because he wants to judge us. The Holy Spirit is not to be feared. He is a “comforter, helper in times of trouble”, and he will be present with us until Jesus returns.

I learned about Grace, something that wasn’t practiced readily in that particular church setting, as most of the people in that particular church at that particular time were searching for discipline and structure, and the leadership was more than happy to give it to them.

As I sit in the church we attend now, I am struck by the differences. Grace is preached, love is practiced, and forgiveness is administered; not perfectly, but attempted. All with the hope that these things will encourage and inspire the recipients’ to WANT to live a life where they will be hungry for the word of God, where they will seek to be more like Jesus all the time, and to be receptive to the Holy Spirit’s promptings.

We are not perfect, I wouldn’t be there if we were, but we are trying. We fail continually, that is where grace comes in, but we keep trying. That is what it is all about.

I am not a denominationalist, so I won’t mention the church we attend, as I truly believe the Holy Spirit can manifest your faith through your life in any church setting as long as you are open. I believe that if you love the Lord, you will continue to attend a house of worship for the fellowship, encouragement, and motivation to keep at it, and to help you realize that we are all on the same road, headed the same direction, but are at different stages in our journey, thus, the opportunity to lend a helping hand, or grasp one that is extended to you.

I am reminded of the line “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven”. I have forgiven the people involved in that part of my life, and moved on, because I know God is greater than anything or anyone that may come across my path, so I just keep travelin’ on.

Tag:Nearest Book

O.K. I’ll play the game, and by the way, I feel honored to be asked

The nearest book at my desk is one I had carried downstairs to put away after I had read it again for the third time. The Jesus I Never Knew. This is the book that made me a Phillip Yancy fan. I’ve read most of his books, but this is by far my favorite; but after all look at the subject matter. He describes a Jesus I would be challenged by meeting, which I think is the exact effect he is supposed to have on us.

The chapter this excerpt comes from is on Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, and teachings on the Beatitudes. He ends the segment on the particular beatitude–"Blessed are the peacemakers…Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness." referring to the time in 1989 when many of the nations in Eastern Europe used non-violent means to stop the oppression of Communism:

In many of these places, especially the nations of Eastern Europe, the Christian church led the way. Protesters marched through the streets carrying candles, singing hymns, and praying. As in Joshua’s day, the walls came tumbling down.

I remember those days, when “the Wall” came tumbling down. It was so exciting, to see people chipping away at it, huge portions falling away, the reunions of families who hadn’t seen each other in years. The joy, tears, the hope! Am I aging myself? You bet. Some times were definitely worth living through.
I can't tag five, but I'll tag Shiuvaun I KNOW she has a book on her desk, it will just be WHICH ONE!!

Visiting

Nina left this morning. Shiuvaun came a few weeks ago. Two friends who when they found out that Mother had passed away, called and said, “I’m coming to see you.” We made plans and sure enough they did.
I have friends that “visit” with me. I have other friends who don’t live close enough to come and visit, but have made that effort to call me and chat for a long enough period of time, I’m sure their phone bills reflect their sacrifice in time—but I appreciate it so much.
In the southern vernacular where I grew up, it wasn’t referred to as “talking”—i.e. “We are talking right now.”—it was ‘visiting’ with someone. You went over to visit someone on Sun. afternoon after church, or you had someone come and visit. There is a difference between talking and visiting. Talking is communication through verbal encounter, visiting can be talking, but is also being present in someone’s life, and maybe you talk, maybe you don’t, maybe you are there for moral support and comfort, without uttering a word. That is a visit. That is what my friends do for me. We talk about anything and everything. Or we just sit and be quiet, just savoring the presence of the others company.
Shiuvaun and Nina are two of my “oldest” (meaning length of time I’ve known them), and dearest friends.
We have a history, but it doesn’t matter how long it has been since we’ve seen each other, we pick back up, and take off, like we have never been apart, and yet because we are apart, we appreciate every minute we are together.
Our histories are familiar and comforting to us and the present is a gift, and the future, not something we take for granted.
Their visits during the past month, have been like a breath of fresh air. I don’t think they will either one know how much it helped me, and boosted me, and encouraged me.
It is funny what an afternoon, or evening or a “sleepover” with a friend can do for ones moral. I feel cared about by someone besides my family (don’t get me wrong I love that, but it is "family"). This is different, this is someone who just likes me enough to make a sacrifice in time to come and spend time with me, to help me over a difficult time, of missing someone else in my life; what special people they are! Thank you ladies!

Friends with thoughts

I added an "element" to my blog today, Favorite Blogs. These are two young ladies whom I have known since they were quite short, perhaps newborn. I find thier thoughts provoking, and encouraging, and stimulating, and silly (yes some of those Serenity, have made me laugh out loud, THANK YOU!!)and thoughtful.
They are deemed in my opinion worth reading. They will inspire, and give you a new way to think, on a positive and encouraging note, something the world needs in abundance.
Check them out and enjoy, and then go to Ungrind-I don't know her at all, and stumbled on the site quite by accident, but am enjoying the perspective there as well.
Enjoy!

Normal?

What is normal?
I have asked myself this several times in the last 24 hours.
Two weeks ago yesterday my mother died, and for some reason yesterday I was missing her terribly. Perhaps it was because it was a Friday--a dialysis day. Perhaps it was because life is returning to a time where the routine should resume, but it hasn't. The influx of family has left, I am not getting phone calls several times a day from one of my sisters (don't get me wrong, I love that), I don't get sympathy cards in the mail everyday now, and I have most of the boxes of things from her apt. stashed away.
But I had a hard time yesterday. I didn't want to get out of bed yesterday morning, I don't know how long I could have slept, but I'm pretty sure it would have been a record breaker, and when I did get up it "felt" like a dialysis day. I kept looking at the clock-almost 10, need to go get Mother--Nope. After crying on an off all morning, and trying to get my mind off of it, and on something else, I decided to run into town to take care of some errands. Basically just find something to keep me busy. I killed a lot of time visiting with a friend I hadn't seen in over a year, catching up, but of course the topic of Mothers death came up, condolenses were offered, and there it was again.
Finally, I finished, and headed home, crying as I went. As I stopped at the mail box to get the mail there was a card from a close family friend who had known my mother all her life, the poem read-

You'll never forget your Mother's face,
the sound of her voice,
the gentleness of her touch....
they let you know you were loved.

You'll never forget the stories she told,
the traditions she handed down....
they let you know who you are.

You'll never forget
the lessons she taught,
the things she stood for...
they are her gift and your legacy.

You'll never forger,
and you'll always know
that you honor her every day
in how you live
and who you are.

In her written comments she addressed the very issue I was dealing with, continueing life without the daily physical presence of my Mother. That was it exactly! The physical makes a huge difference, so I must shift to a different kind of presence--the presence of memory. It reminded me of all the things I still have from my mother. So when I look at her picture and if I sit and listen long enough, I can still hear the sound of her voice.
It isn't "normal" of old, but it will be the new "normal" for now.

Mother's passing

Dear Family and Friends,
I want to send a short note before I go lie down to rest to inform you that Mother fell Tues. eve and broke the femur in her left leg. After determining that the extensive treatment that it would require, plus having to go to Wichita to continue dialysis, she made the decision to end her dialysis, knowing full well that this would be her ticket to heaven.

Wed. morning she called me early requesting my immediate presence at the hosp. When I arrived I found her to be awake but a little disoriented from the morphine. However, she was adamant when she asked me if I had “talked to the mortician?” Telling her it was a little premature, she was quite adamant that he had been in to see her, and that he wanted to speak with me. I told her this was quite impossible, as the mortician was in Wellington KS. She then said “Well, isn’t the funeral going to be on Tues.?” At this I couldn’t control the chuckle as I explained to her that we really couldn’t have a funeral till she had died. She seemed to clear up, and was herself. Anita and I later learned that she had mistaken her Dr. for the mortician. Thinking no more of it we continued plans to move her back to her apt, and calling in hospice.

When my niece Casie Katzer arrived at the hosp, Grandma told her that “I will be done with this by day after tomorrow, but Andrea thinks it might be longer.” We moved her back to her apt at the manor with Hospice care, and she remained clear and able to converse with family and friends till late afternoon Wed.

She regained enough awareness on Thurs. afternoon to realize that my sister Amy had arrived safely from Michigan; however, as the evening wore on she became quite restless, so the nurse administered pain medication to relieve her discomfort, enabling her to relax. Once beginning to do that she declined rapidly and at 5:45 when the nurses came in to adjust her, they told us to come into the room, as she was slipping away. We girls and our cousin Donna Gibson circled the bed and began praying, ending by singing the doxology. When we finished singing, she had slipped the bonds of earth passing away at 6 a.m. this morning—the day after tomorrow from Wed. and yes, the funeral is Tues. We will all be able to be there and celebrate her home going.

"DO-OVER"

Well it is the first of a new year. I went online to check my e-mail, and read my favorite blogs, and was inundated by adds for weight loss, articles of “starting over”, and on and on.
I am quite confident that there are people out there who are reading those, and profiting from them. My question is “What is it about a “new” year that is suppose to motivate us to do these things, when up till now the “old” year hasn’t?” What is it about “starting over “that appeals to people? Is life that bad that they want to start over? Are they that lethargic about their life, weight, appearance, relationships……. That they need a new start to motivate them to try to “get it right”?
Remember when we were kids and we would play games. If we made a mistake, we would call out “DO-OVER!!”, and get to start again. I think that a lot of people want a “do-over” on aspects of their lives; thus the push for change, renewal, and “starting over”.
After living for 52 years, being married for 31, caring for my 88 year old mother, I find that all of these articles and ads are missing the point. The ultimate “do-over” has already been done. After that everything else is sort of anticlimactic. Go ahead and try, you can’t top it.
God provided the ultimate “do-over” when he sent His son Jesus to die for us. God had been requiring sacrifice, and works to come into his presence, but with Jesus all that changed.
When Jesus came to earth, he provided us the ultimate opportunity to start over. Through his death on the cross he erased all our mistakes with his shed blood. He ascended into heaven and sits at Gods right hand interceding for us. All we have to do is ask him to forgive us of our sins, believe that he has done that and then confess his presence in our lives. It’s that simple; no sweat equity, no expense.
Where does the “new start” come into play? In Romans 6:4-5:

Well, then, we by our baptism were buried with Him in death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from among the dead by the Father’s glorious power, we also should live an entirely new life.
5For since we have become one with Him by sharing in His death, we shall also be one with Him by sharing in His resurrection. ASV

I’m telling you, it doesn’t get any better than this. Because this is the beginning of the beginning of everything else you want to change, alter, or transform about yourself. When you hook up with God, the change is eternal, and everlasting. It is also internal, yet reveals itself externally.

I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They’re his people, he’s their God. 4He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone.” 5The Enthroned continued, “Look! I’m making everything new. Write it all down—each word dependable and accurate.”
6Then he said, “It’s happened. I’m A to Z. I’m the Beginning, I’m the Conclusion. From Water-of-Life Well I give freely to the thirsty. 7Conquerors inherit all this. I’ll be God to them; they’ll be sons and daughters to me. The Message

Now THAT is a “DO-OVER”.