In the past year I have found out that I can do things I never imagined myself doing; not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.
My sister in law asked how things were going the other day, and I told her they were good. She asked if I was still keeping Sam; my response, “everyday, all day”. She said she didn’t know how I did it, that it would wear her out and exhaust her, and when he starts crawling and walking it was going to be a real job.
Her comment made me realize what all I’ve encountered in the past year. That if I had known it was coming would have told you straight out, not only that it wouldn’t happen, but that I would have handled it completely different than I have. I realized that in the past year I’ve dealt with and done more things than I could have ever imagined myself doing and I have done them differently than I would have ever imagined. I have changed so much in the past year as to how I used to think and function to what I think and function at this moment, I can’t begin to list all the changes. Through it all there have been times of overwhelming grief, worry and exhaustion but on the flip side there has been such joy that it is unexplainable, and a sense of peace that can only come from God.
I know enough to know that none of it is over, simply because life will continue and go on, and the days aren’t written yet; except in God’s day timer, and He is the only one who sees that.
As I was relating the conversation to Audrey, I chuckled and said, “well, it will either get me in shape or kill me………either way, I win”
At that moment I thought of Caleb—yep, the one who went into the Promised Land with Joshua, the one who was there through the plaques in Egypt and the deliverance through the Red Sea, and went into the Promised Land as a spy with the others who came back and gave a bad report, sealing their own fate at never getting to enter that Promised Land again.
But Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh remained alive, of the men who went to spy out the land
He was there and saw it all. He knew God was strong enough to bring them through the trials of Egypt, and he knew God would give them the Promised Land.
His comment, when he went to collect the land promised to him, has stuck with me.
“And now, behold, the LORD has kept me alive, as He said, these forty-five years, ever since the LORD spoke this word to Moses while Israel wandered in the wilderness; and now, here I am this day, eighty-five years old. As yet I am as strong this day as on the day that Moses sent me; just as my strength was then, so now is my strength for war, both for going out and for coming in."
In this battle that we continue to fight as we live on this earth, I think of Caleb; wholly committed to the Lord and receiving the strength to go on and forward to the Promised Land……………..Promised. God Promised………………I’m planning on going in, but first I have to fight some battles, continue in the war. I’m counting on God to give strength and longevity if that is what He has for me.
And Joshua blessed him; and he gave Hebron unto Caleb the son of Jephunneh for an inheritance…….. because he wholly followed Jehovah, the God of Israel…….And the land had rest from war.
As a friend of mine said once, “I can sleep when I’m dead.”
I’ll rest when God says it’s time.